


Outed

by yarnandtea



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 03:35:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yarnandtea/pseuds/yarnandtea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney accidentally discovers's Sheppard's secret, which results in him revealing his own. Which in turn leads to Sheppard plotting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> This one is pretty much pure crackfic of the, "What if John and Rodney both realized they both like boys?" type. There is random Eddie Izzard quoting and recreational use of alien tea and suchlike. Look, it just happened okay. I have no real excuse. 
> 
> Implied Teyla/Ronon as well. (Originally posted on Wraithbait in 2006 under the name dragonlady.)

“Colonel?” Rodney paused for a moment, frowning as he followed his friend’s gaze. Colonel John Sheppard could not be staring at what he appeared to be staring at. Maybe he was just lost in thought, yes, that had to be it. “Colonel Sheppard?” He tried again, and then, “John!” This time he let his frustration come through in his tone, not that doing so was an unusual occurrence.  
  
“Huh?” John jumped and whirled around to find an exasperated, as normal, Rodney McKay giving him a very odd look. “McKay? What’s up? Don’t sneak up on me!” Rodney was still giving him that look and it was starting to make John a little nervous. “What?”  
  
“ _Sneak_  up on  _you_? You’re kidding me, right, Colonel? I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes. Apparently Ronon’s ass was far more fascinating, however, as your unwavering gaze seems to indicate.” John turned beet red as Rodney raised a questioning eyebrow at him, having intended that last barb as a joke. But John was quickly glancing around, as if making sure no one else had noticed and no one was in hearing range. Taking a deep breath he grabbed Rodney’s arm and dragged him into a nearby lab. “Seriously Sheppard, what the hell…” but he was cut off by John placing a hand over his mouth as he thought the door shut and locked.  
  
“Rodney, look, I’m asking you as a friend, okay, you can’t tell  _anyone_  about this. Please?” John tried to ignore the quick flash of hurt he saw in Rodney’s eyes, only letting go of the man when he nodded. John’s entire body seemed to loosen with that nod. He sighed heavily and leaned back against a workbench. Looking at Rodney he could tell his friend had countless questions bubbling up inside, but for the moment he was remaining uncharacteristically silent, just looking at John with curiosity. Deciding to skirt the main issue as long as he could, John answered one of the smaller unasked questions instead. His eyes on the floor he said, “Oh, hell, look, I’m not  _interested_  in Ronon or anything, I was just…appreciating. He’s a good looking man, alright?” A snort from Rodney made John look up.  
  
“I’m well aware of that fact Colonel.” He rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you thought I would tell anyone…” Rodney grew quiet with that statement. John started to justify himself but the other man continued, “Firstly, I’m your  _friend_ John. I’m not going to spill a secret you want kept. Even if that wasn’t the case, I think we’ve been through enough in the past few years that you should know you can trust me enough to at least have your back as a teammate.” He shook his head as if in disbelief that John could have missed such an obvious fact.  
  
“I’m sorry Rodney. I just, I panicked. I didn’t exactly expect to be outed that way. I know the atmosphere on Atlantis is a lot more tolerant than your average military expedition, but I am still the head of the military here, and you know the military’s stance on this…topic. With the Daedalus meaning a constant rotation of military staff, I can’t always know for sure who I can trust under my command and who to avoid at all costs, especially when I really  _can’t_  avoid any of the military staff, as they’re  _my_  staff…” John trailed off and frowned, thinking over what Rodney had said. Rodney was looking at him with open understanding, which he thought was kind of weird, at least for Rodney. Wait, Rodney was _well aware_  of Ronon’s attractiveness? His eyes narrowed, “What’s second?”  
  
“Excuse me?” Rodney blinked. He had been following John up until that last bit. He might not agree with the reasons for John to stay in the closet, but he could certainly see the need for it, especially for John.  
  
“You said ‘firstly,’ implying that there was a second reason for you not spilling. What’s second?”  
  
“Oh. That.” Rodney blinked again as comprehension dawned. He thought carefully before answering. “It would be more than a bit hypocritical of me to go around outing people on Atlantis.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and raised his chin, meeting John’s eyes defiantly. John for his part felt his eyes widen in surprise. He quickly suppressed the surge of hope that flared inside him at Rodney’s admission. This was neither the time nor the place for those thoughts, although, he told himself mentally, he would feel a hell of a lot less guilty when they popped back up later tonight, because they always did.  
  
“Wow,” John said, “I just never thought that you were….”  
  
“Well, I guess that makes us even. I never thought that you were, what with your penchant for ascended women and all. Besides, it’s not like it’s something I go around broadcasting either, what with the aforementioned military presence all over the place.” Rodney snarked back, visibly relaxing. “Now, are we done with our little secret conversation? I did actually have a reason for disturbing your ogling Colonel.” A big grin broke out on John’s face and the door slid open.  
  
“Right, of course you did. So…what Ancient doodad do you need me to light up today?” John grinned even harder at the look on McKay’s face at the word ‘doodad’ and clapped him on the back, allowing his arm to rest on Rodney’s shoulders as he guided him out of the room and down the hall.  
  
While pretending to listen to Rodney’s theories about the device he wanted to John to activate, the taller man couldn’t help but smile again. He had fully expected Rodney to freak out on him when the inevitable discovery of his sexual orientation finally came to light. Now though, it was starting to look like Rodney knowing his secret was anything but a bad thing.  _Who knows?_  he thought to himself as they finally reached the lab,  _maybe all of those oh so wrong thoughts I’ve been having about Rodney weren’t so far off after all…_


	2. Evil Genius At Work

Rodney glanced up from his lunch and pushed down the scowl threatening to form. John was making a beeline for his table and once more he had that absolutely ridiculous grin on his face. He sighed in resignation as the other man sat down across from him, wishing Radek or Carson had been available when he had asked them about heading to the mess with him.  
  
“Hey McKay! How’s your day going so far? Are you ready for the mission tomorrow?” John began to chow down, oblivious to his friend’s annoyance. It had been two weeks since the pair had come out to each other and ever since then John had added, in Rodney’s opinion, some very bizarre behavior to his repertoire. Said behavior was obviously related to the “incident” because it only occurred when John and Rodney were alone together. If anyone else was around John was his normal crazy self, no extra weirdness added. The scientist in him had weighed all of the evidence, combined it with the newest variables, and come up with two hypotheses. One: John was so relieved that someone here knew and accepted the fact that he was gay that he now felt free to release some previously hidden side of his personality whenever he and Rodney were alone together. Two: Well, two was just too insane to contemplate, because the only other explanation Rodney could come up with for John’s behavior involved John having a crush on, well, on Rodney. And yeah right, like that was going to happen. Rodney knew that the pretty boys did not fall for him. He snorted at the thought, causing John to look up from his lunch, which was rapidly disappearing.  
  
“Oh no, Colonel, I am not at all prepared for a trading mission with backwater yokels that will mainly require me to stand around trying not to insult anyone before we’ve come to an agreement of terms.” Rodney rolled his eyes at this. It wasn’t his fault how few people actually got him. It’s not like he ever said anything that he didn’t consider to be perfectly true, it’s just that tact was somewhat lost on him, he had never really seen the point. Besides, that was what Teyla was for, well, that and looking demure and docile until she was needed to kick some serious ass. “As for my day so far, well…you know what kind of idiots I have to work with on a daily basis. I’m amazed no one’s managed to blow themselves up yet today, so I guess that makes things okay for now.” He shook his head and started in on his chocolate pudding, sending a brief thanks to the powers that be for the Daedalus and its now regular supply runs from Atlantis to Earth and back.  
  
“Ah yes, because anyone else on your staff has managed to blow up, what was it? Five-sixths of a solar system? I can see how you would be so concerned about  _their_  competence.” John now wore that wicked little boy grin he saved specifically for Rodney baiting. Even as Rodney choked on his pudding he was thankful that this was at least business as usual from John. John reached around and slapped him on the back a few times, presumably to help with the choking.  
  
“I thought we weren’t going to be bringing that up anymore.” Rodney grabbed a napkin and wiped his chin. A full fledged scowl was now in place. John’s grin only widened.  
  
“Come on Rodney, you know me better than that. I will  _never_  be not bringing that up anymore. It’s too useful in keeping my favorite scientist humble.” The grin slipped as he reached up and tapped his earpiece. “Sheppard. Uh huh. Okay, understood. I’m on my way.” He stood up and grabbed his tray, looking down with regret at his own pudding, which was untouched. “Later McKay, I’ve got to go. Stackhouse is having an issue with one of the newbies. Don’t forget, it’s team night. Media room, 19:00 hours.” Smiling again, he placed his pudding on Rodney’s tray and left.  
  
“Okay, that was weird.” Rodney blinked at John’s pudding before tucking into it. John did not willingly share dessert. Ever. The bizarre behavior had just crossed into a whole new level. He grabbed his own tray and dropped it off before heading back to his lab. There was no way John Sheppard, flyboy extraordinaire, had the hots for Rodney McKay, geek to the n-th power. He was probably just projecting his feelings onto the only other person in Atlantis he knew to be gay. _Hmm….this situation is going to require some tests in order to figure out exactly what’s going on here._  Rodney felt a little better now that he was starting to formulate a plan that hopefully would result in some actual answers. He headed into his lab, ignoring Kavanaugh, who clearly wanted to pester him about something,  _probably needs to complain that someone on the staff is wearing the wrong color socks today and it’s throwing off his concentration_ , Rodney opened up his laptop and began listing the “tests” he was going to start running as soon as the team returned from tomorrow’s mission. He spent the rest of the day working on his plan, oblivious of the fact that his entire staff had quickly found reasons to work elsewhere today, frightened off by his evil grin and the occasional soft maniacal laugh. They had no idea who he was plotting against now, but they could only hope it was none of them. The science staff on Atlantis had come to the shared conclusion that  _nothing_  pleasant could await the person who had caused Dr. McKay to smile that particular smile.


	3. Pirates and Plots

John looked at his watch; it was 18:45 hours. Glancing around the media room, he confirmed that everything was ready for team night, as well as for what he had dubbed “Operation Get Rodney.” He was perfectly aware that it was not the most clever mission name, and that if anyone ever heard it—not that anyone would—he would summarily be added to his own personal list of “People Who Should Never Name Things Ever.” Still, John felt it was appropriate. Like the object of his affections, the mission title was to the point.  
  
 _I just hope this works._  John had never gone after anyone like Rodney before, truth be told, he usually stuck with military guys because they understood the need for discretion and were damn good at it. After the last one though, John had almost sworn off men altogether, but he had definitely decided to start thinking outside of the proverbial box, which meant no more military men for Colonel John Sheppard. And wonder of wonders, along came Dr. Rodney McKay and John was lost. What could he say? He had always had a thing for baby blues and big brains. Besides, there was an intensity about Rodney that he couldn’t help but get caught up in and even when he had thought there was no hope for more than friendship with the other man, he had found himself wanting to be around him as much as possible.  
  
Over the last few weeks, he had already started taking small steps towards his goal of winning Rodney over. If he could catch the man alone in his lab he’d give him a quick shoulder rub while he got Rodney to explain the project du jour. He’d gotten Elizabeth to assign Kavanaugh to some random project on the mainland after Rodney had mentioned that his least favorite minion had almost ruined some research by getting in his way for three days running. Hell, earlier today he’d even given Rodney his pudding when he got called away from lunch early. That had to be waving a big flag in the Canadian’s face and still he seemed oblivious to John’s overtures. The man was so wrapped up in himself and his work, and it shouldn’t be anywhere near as endearing as it actually was. John heaved a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew he was probably just making it worse and grinned at the snarky comment Rodney was sure to make about how crazy John’s hair managed to always be. He was pretty convinced he wasn’t going to have any trouble getting Rodney into bed, not once he brought out the big guns, but he didn’t want to go there until he knew he would be able to actually convince Rodney that he wanted more than just sex. That right there was going to be the hard part. John had never met someone so damn arrogant with so many insecurities.  
  
“Hey guys.” He greeted Ronon and Teyla as they entered the room. Teyla smiled in return and Ronon headed straight to the couch, staking his claim on the corner closest to the bowls of chips and dip. John grabbed beers for his team members. That was the best part about reestablishing contact with Earth, as far a he was concerned, Atlantis now got regular shipments of junk food and recreational items, as well as the bare necessities. It did wonders for morale.  
  
“What story have you chosen to show us tonight, Colonel?” Teyla asked as she sat down on the couch next to Ronon, their knees almost touching. John smirked at that. Everyone believed the two were together but no one had any proof and no one wanted to risk the ire of either warrior by asking them flat out. John suspected they were but he wasn’t going to push them to reveal anything. He had never seen anything he would consider inappropriate or that would harm working relationships whenever they were on duty, and what they did in their off-time was none of his damn business. He was one-hundred percent behind keeping private lives private. John picked up the DVD case and handed it to Teyla. She was making good progress in learning to read English and from the sounds of things she was pressuring Ronon into doing the same.  
  
“It’s called  _Pirates of the Caribbean_  and it’s about, well, pirates. You remember when we told you about pirates, right? It’s fun, I think you’ll both like it.” John had thought carefully when choosing tonight’s movie. He had a feeling all of the sword fights would appeal to Ronon and Teyla was sure to love the damsel not so in distress. Besides, it had limited pop culture references and they should be able to just kick back and enjoy the story. Usually John had no problem spending an hour or two after the movie answering questions or explaining references that had confused his alien friends. Tonight though, he had other plans for after the movie.  _…and speak of the devil…_  Rodney chose that moment to make his appearance. John gave him a grin and handed him a beer. “Glad you could join us McKay.” He steered his friend to the couch and dimmed the lights before the other man could respond. John picked up the remote and started the movie as they both sat down and he settled in to enjoy the movie as well as close proximity to Rodney.  
  
***  
  
Rodney knew almost instantly it had been a mistake to let John choose his seat for him. On his left, Teyla was diverting any attention that wasn’t aimed at the movie to Ronon. This left John, on his right, completely free to torment him unnoticed by the rest of the team. He didn’t do anything overt, of course. Oh no, that was against whatever fucked up rules this game of his had. Tonight’s round consisted mostly of small touches that were just a little bit more than casual. A hand on his knee here to point out an upcoming scene sure to make Rodney roll his eyes, the hand staying in place just a few seconds longer than necessary. Fingers lingering on his arm in an almost caress when John wanted Rodney to pass the pretzels. Then there was the fact that John was sitting right next to Rodney on the couch, not quite touching, but close enough that they could feel each other’s body heat, when John had almost a foot of clearance between his other side and the end of the couch. Rodney couldn’t help but think it was a good thing he’d already seen this movie because John sure was doing his damnedest to make sure he couldn’t pay any attention at all tonight.  
  
After the film Teyla and Ronon headed for the room reserved for sparring—Rodney could hear Teyla trying to persuade the big man to teach her the art of fighting with a sword. Rodney was about to make a beeline for his quarters when John’s hand on his forearm stopped him. “Help me clean up?” He looked up, meeting John’s eyes and was treated to the puppy dog eyes and “innocent boyish grin number 5” at full wattage. Groaning inwardly, Rodney nodded and moved back into the room, aiming to take the DVD out of the laptop hooked up to the holo-screen. He kept his back to John for a few minutes, pondering the situation. He couldn’t decide whether he was more pissed off or turned on. After tonight it was clear to Rodney that John was trying to seduce him. He had to admit that part of him was flattered at the attention. Just as he had not failed to notice Ronon’s finer attributes, it had not escaped his attention that John was a damn good looking man, despite his crazy hair.  _I mean, genius here,_  he thought to himself, turning around to help finish gathering up the food and empty bottles. Another part of Rodney was suspicious as hell. Why play games? John was normally a pretty straightforward guy himself, nowhere near as much so as Rodney of course,  _no one_  was  _that_ straightforward. He considered John his best friend and thought John felt the same. If John wanted to be with Rodney, why didn’t he just say so? John certainly enjoyed baiting Rodney to debates or snark-fests, but Rodney would never have expected John to be this way about something so big. Maybe it was living under “don’t ask, don’t tell” for so long. Of course, there was the likely possibility that John was just looking for sex, and as Rodney had previously hypothesized, he was the target only because he was the only “safe” option for John right now. John could just be testing the waters, trying to see if Rodney was open to the idea. He knew that the best way to find out what was going on in John’s head was to just ask him, but…John had been the one to set the terms of this little game and Rodney was thinking that for now he would just follow the Colonel’s lead. This was potentially friendship-wrecking territory and he didn’t want to ensure that outcome by pushing John. He wasn’t even sure what  _he_  wanted John’s intentions to be. The plans he had spent the day formulating were all thrown out the window.  
  
They left the media room in companionable silence, disposing of the empty bottles on the way out. Rodney was listing the possible directions John might be taking his little production. Next, he had to determine what his reaction to each possible outcome would be. That part was going to be more difficult than just making a list. Rodney had spent the last few years instantly suppressing any John-related thoughts that might be deemed inappropriate given their working relationship, friendship, and John’s assumed sexual orientation. As a result, he had no idea what feelings, if any, he might have for John beyond their friendship.  
  
John watched Rodney as they walked the halls of Atlantis. They could have taken a transporter to the mess to drop off the few dishes he had commandeered for the evening snacks, but Rodney was clearly deep in concentration and pretty much just following John’s lead, so he decided to take the long way, giving them a little more time to spend together, even if they weren’t actually interacting at the moment. John grinned briefly,  _I’ve got him thinking. Good. Hopefully that beautiful McKay mind won’t take too long to come to the right conclusion._  Not that he wasn’t perfectly willing to be patient when it came to taking his friendship with Rodney into new territory. Annoying as the man was, it hadn’t taken John long to realize that he was worth the wait.  _Still…no harm in jump-starting things a little…_  He began whistling tunelessly as they left the mess and grabbed a transporter to the living quarters. John led them to his quarters first and went in to drop off the remaining snacks and beer. Rodney stayed in the hall, suddenly realizing where they were. He looked like he was trying to decide what to say, but John didn’t give him the chance to form the words. He walked back out, closing the door behind him and threw his arm around Rodney’s shoulder, flashing a grin at his friend. “Come on.”  
  
“Um, where are we going?” John listened to his tone closely, relieved that Rodney sounded more curious than nervous.  
  
“I’m just making sure you get to bed early tonight. We leave first thing in the morning for PQZ-137 and I want to make sure my scientist is in top shape for those trade negotiations.” He winked at Rodney’s expression. “You looked like you were deep in thought about some project or other and I’m not going to risk you wandering off to the labs, so tonight you get an escort to your quarters.”  
  
"Oh, for crying out—Colonel, I am perfectly capable of putting myself to bed. I’m hardly five years old.” He gave a little huff and rolled his eyes, mentally praying John wasn’t planning on making his move tonight, he was in no way ready. “There’s no need for you to walk me home.”  
  
“I’m sure there isn’t McKay, I’m sure there isn’t. Just, humor me, okay.” John removed his arms from the other man’s shoulders and gave him a nudge with his elbow. When they got to Rodney’s rooms John simply leaned against the wall opposite the door and gave Rodney a look that said “Well?”  
  
“Um, right. Well, here we are Colonel, you’ve seen me to my door all safe and sound.” He opened the door with a thought and took a step into the room. Turning around to deliver a final parting shot, Rodney found John in his space with a look on his face that Rodney had never seen before. It was almost…shy, and sweet, very sweet. Rodney’s heart almost melted. Before he could think about that fact John had leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was brief but just as sweet as John’s look had been. On instinct Rodney closed his eyes and leaned in, John’s hand was under his chin, tilting his face up to meet his own. Then John had pulled back.  
  
“Good night Rodney. Sleep sweet.” Rodney’s eyes opened just as his door slid shut. He thought it open again and stepped back into the hall with no idea what he would say but John was already gone.


	4. Do They Want Tea?

Elizabeth felt like burying her face in her hands. Why couldn’t Colonel Sheppard’s team ever go on a routine mission that actually  _followed_  routine? It seemed like nine times out of ten they came back through the gate under fire, missing a member, maimed, or—as seemed to be the case now—drugged. They just seemed…high. That was the only word for it. Carson had joined them in the briefing room and he seemed to agree that no one appeared injured. As such, Elizabeth wanted to know what had happened on PQZ-137 before she sent the team to the infirmary. She did not give in to her urge to hide, however, but instead focused on Ronon, who seemed to be the only coherent member of the group. “Perhaps you can explain to me how your teammates ended up like this?”  
  
“The trade discussions went pretty smoothly. The village has agreed to provide us with a certain percentage of their annual crops in return for some basic medical supplies and a monthly visit from one of our medical staff.” Elizabeth nodded, pleased. At least that had gone well. Food for medical aid seemed to be their standard agreement, but it seemed like so little to give in order to actually have fresh food on a semi-regular basis. The Satedan shifted in his seat and waited for her to gesture before continuing. He obviously wasn’t too comfortable being the main participant in the debriefing. “To finalize the trade contract there was some sort of tea ceremony. It required the participation of the group leader, the main negotiator, and a witness from each side. McKay acted as witness for us. They all drank the tea and signed the agreement and we were sitting around talking to the villagers when they,” Ronon indicated his teammates, “all started getting very…happy.”  
  
“I see.” Elizabeth stated, trying to remain calm. John had rolled his chair back from the table and was happily spinning around in circles. Every once in a while he would stop and change directions, spinning the other way for a bit. Rodney had leaned over to whisper something in Teyla’s ear that caused her to begin giggling uncontrollably, which then caused her to fall out of her chair. Seeing Elizabeth and Carson’s look of concern, Ronon tried to reassure them.  
  
“I asked the chief what was happening to them and he admitted that sometimes their trading partners from other worlds have this reaction to the tea. He assured me that after a night’s rest they will be their normal selves again.” Seeing that Elizabeth still looked unsure, he hastened to add, “I promised him I will return if that proves not to be the case, and that I will not be happy.” Ronon indicated a menacing pose had gone with this ‘promise.’ “I figured we should probably return to Atlantis so that Dr. Beckett could see to them just in case though, and that’s when-“  
  
“And that’s when the rebels came!” John chose this moment to chime in, looking supremely proud of his contribution.  
  
“Rebels?” Elizabeth asked, close to panic now. “There was a rebellion while you were there and you’re just now mentioning it?” Ronon started to answer but again John cut him off.  
  
“It’s no biggie Liz, they were just mad at the purple alligator. Rodney sure went all wonky though.” Elizabeth didn’t know where to begin to respond. Purple alligators?  _Rodney_  was the one who was wonky? Rodney apparently felt the need to defend himself though so she was saved the effort.  
  
“You don’t understand! It’s what the messenger said when he told the chief! His exact words were,” Rodney lapsed into a crisp British accent, “It’s the rebels sir, they’re here.”  
  
“Good God man! Do they want tea?” Five heads swiveled to Carson, who had been silent until this sudden and cryptic entrance into the conversation.  _Oh, no, not Carson too! Please tell me this drug isn’t contagious, I can_ not _deal with this today,_ Elizabeth gave in and covered her face.  
  
“I think it’s a bit more serious than that,” Rodney was still going, and still in that accent, “I don’t know what it is but they’ve brought a flag.” At this he began giggling for a moment. Then he went very quiet and added in his normal voice, “But they didn’t, really. No flags. Nope, no country for them. Silly rebels.” With that he crossed his arms across his chest and sat back from the table, pouting. Elizabeth began to shake her head, trying to make it all go away.  _This is not happening to me, this is just not happening…_  She stopped when Carson placed a hand on her arm.  
  
“It’s alright love. Sorry, didn’t mean to add to your worries. It’s a comedy routine, one of Rodney’s favorites. Hearing a line from it in his altered state likely just set him off. Now Colonel, you mentioned something about purple alligators?” John looked up, surprised. Before he could pick up the thread Ronon jumped back in to the fray.  
  
“I’m sorry Dr. Weir; there was nothing much to the ‘rebellion,’ really. It seems the village just adopted a new totem and some of the villagers apparently object to the bright color that was chosen. They had an appointment with the chief to petition a change in the color of the totem. They had shown it to us when we first opened negotiations. According to Sheppard it looked like an alligator, but only if you squinted right.” Elizabeth could only nod.  
  
“Is there anything else?” Ronon shook his head no. “Alright then. Carson, I’m turning Colonel Sheppard’s team over into your care. Please let me know immediately if it turns out that there are any other side effects to this tea. Oh, and if you can find a way to sober them up sooner rather than later, please do.” She looked around the room one last time as she got up to leave. “You all have tomorrow off. Dismissed.”  
  
***  
  
John left the infirmary with Carson’s strict instructions to get some food and then some sleep. John had been the last to get checked over and the others had already been sent on their way with the same instructions, excepting Ronon, who was told he was in perfect health and free to enjoy his evening. John had every intention to follow Carson’s orders—after a quick shower and a detour to find Rodney. He had waited all day for his friend to confront him about last night’s kiss but the confrontation never came and then they met the pot-laced tea. A smirk crossed John’s features as he exited the transporter. He had consumed much less tea than either Teyla or Rodney and was already starting to come down.  _I’ll bet Rodney’s still lost in giggle land, though. Guess it’s up to me to bring him back._ His smirk widened into a smile of anticipation at a night spent in the company of a high Rodney McKay. His memories of the afternoon were still pretty fuzzy, but from what he could tell high Rodney was a fun guy. He had been cracking Teyla up almost non-stop.  _I’ll bet high Rodney’s pretty easy too…oh Shep don’t go there. That would be wrong, oh so wrong…_ The door to his room whooshed open and he headed to the bathroom. He was so preoccupied with trying to convince himself that he in no way wanted hang out with Rodney in order to take advantage of his altered state, John was already down to his underwear before he realized he wasn’t actually alone in his quarters.  
  
Rodney was sprawled out on his back on John’s bed. He was staring at the ceiling with a lackadaisical smile on his face and didn’t even seem to notice John’s arrival. John couldn’t help himself; he plopped down on his back next to Rodney and joined his friend’s exploration of the ceiling. “So, anything interesting up there?”  
  
“Not so much, no.” Rodney responded, his eyes remaining fixed above him. “I was just thinking, and, you know, regretting the end of my high. It was a nice little vacation.” He sighed softly.  
  
“You’re coming down too, huh? I thought it was just because I drank less than you and Teyla that I was already sobering up.”  
  
“Well, when I left Teyla she still couldn’t stand up straight she was giggling so damn hard. Maybe it’s a Milky Way human versus Pegasus human thing. Ronon’s going to have his hands full tonight.” John could hear the evil grin in Rodney’s words. He turned his head so he was looking at his friend’s profile. Yup, evil grin in place, check. Rodney began drumming his fingers on his chest, and still not looking at John he said, “You kissed me.”  _Not the explosion I was expecting, but this works too._  
  
“Yeah, I did. Is that okay?” He reached over and placed a hand over one of Rodney’s, lacing their fingers together. The drumming stopped.  
  
“Actually, yeah, I’ve pretty much decided I’m good with that. I’d kind of like to know why you did it though, if that’s alright.”  
  
“Rodney, look, I’m not one to go on about love at first sight or anything, but there definitely was a case of  _lust_  at first sight. I mean, big blue eyed genius, that’s two of my biggest weaknesses right there. The snark is just an added bonus.” He squeezed Rodney’s hand and the physicist finally turned his head to meet John’s eyes. John took a moment to assess the situation. Rodney was definitely much calmer than his usual self, but he also seemed to be perfectly lucid. John figured he could probably keep going without reserving himself a place in the special hell.  
  
With his free hand he cupped the back of Rodney’s head and drew him in until their lips met. There was nothing shy about this kiss. John felt a bolt of electricity flow through him as Rodney’s mouth moved with his, his lips parting to John’s tongue, allowing him to explore the inviting space. Rodney still tasted of the ceremonial tea, as well as the honey he had used to sweeten his drink. Rodney pulled his hand free of John, cupping the back of his head as well. His other hand snaked down to John’s waist, pulling him so that their bodies were pressed against each other. John rolled over so that he was on top of Rodney and his now free hand began exploring under Rodney’s shirt, ghosting along his side and raking his back with his nails. John’s touches went straight to Rodney’s dick and he groaned in pleasure.  
  
The two men broke apart panting for breath. John closed his eyes and leaned forward, his forehead resting on Rodney’s. Rodney ran his fingers up and down John’s back, the feather light touches sending shivers down the other man’s spine. “I suddenly feel like I am way overdressed for the occasion,” Rodney quipped. John opened his eyes and looked into Rodney’s before nodding and moving off of the other man. As Rodney sat up John grabbed the hem of his tee shirt and pulled if off, tossing it across the room. The shirt landed on the floor next to John’s dresser as Rodney leaned forward to untie his shoes. “So, you’ve been lusting after me since Antarctica and you never thought to say anything about it until now?” Rodney resolutely avoided looking at John as he asked this question. John wrapped his arms around Rodney’s waist and squeezed in a quick hug, resting his chin on the shoulder in front of him before answering.  
  
“I really didn’t think I had any chance with you until we outed each other.” He nuzzled Rodney’s neck with his nose and then paused to admire it before licking the spot right below his jaw line. Rodney quivered in response and John nibbled on his ear next. “After that, it was just a matter of getting your attention.” He went back to Rodney’s ear, sucking for a moment before he kissed the lobe and returned to nuzzling the welcoming neck before him. His hands began to stroke Rodney’s chest, cataloging his reaction to each touch. Rodney was positively melting under the attention. Still, he had one more question to ask before he let this go any further.  
  
“You’ve said this isn’t love, so this is just sex then I take it? A friends with benefits arrangement?” He heard John inhale and then he was turned around so that he and John were looking directly into each other’s eyes.  
  
“I said it wasn’t love at first sight Rodney. I never said it wasn’t love at all. It’s kind of hard to spend as much time with you as I do and not love you. The only other choice would be to kill you, and really, Atlantis needs you too much. I had no choice really, I love you Rodney.” Leave it to John Sheppard to slip a joke into such a serious proclamation. Still, Rodney could see the truth in his eyes and it was exactly what he had needed to see. John knitted his brow, visibly steeling himself before asking. “Is that all you want from this? From me? Do you just want to be friends with benefits?” Rodney grinned and stood up, hesitating only a moment before pulling his boxers off along with his pants. He stood before John in all his naked glory, basking in the open want in John’s eyes.  
  
“No, that’s really not all I want.” He eyed John critically, a devious look spreading across his face. “You’re really not going to need those any more John. Here, let me help you.” With that, Rodney reached down and pulled off John’s boxers, raking his gaze up and down his best friend’s body. The underwear barely had time to hit the floor before Rodney was on top of John, treating him to a kiss that put the last one to shame. For a few moments the two men were nothing but a tangle of confused limbs. Frenzied hands, lips, and tongues touched anywhere they could reach. John found Rodney’s nipples and the scientist moaned in pleasured response. Rodney’s talented hand reached for John’s dick and began stroking, teasing, causing the soldier to make the hottest sounds Rodney had ever heard.  
  
He kissed a trail down John’s jaw and chest until he reached his left nipple. With his free hand he pinched and pulled at John’s right nipple. The left he licked and sucked, causing John to writhe beneath him. When he stopped to blow lightly on the wet nipple John’s hips, already thrusting in time to Rodney’s strokes on his dick, bucked wildly and he howled in response. “Ah, you like that. Good to know.”  
  
“Rodney…please…oh  _god_  please don’t stop!” Rodney switched his oral ministrations to John’s right nipple, teasing the left with his hand, continuing to stroke and pull at John’s dick. He rubbed his thumb over the head, swirling the dampness around. Slowly Rodney began to kiss and lick his way down John’s chest to his stomach. John stilled in anticipation. Rodney ran both hands up John’s side and then reached out with his tongue, licking the tip of John’s erection, reveling in the salty taste. “Oh that is just so damn hot Rodney…” It was barely more than a whisper. He looked up, meeting John’s eyes and placing his hands firmly on John’s hips, he swallowed him to the root. John tried to buck but Rodney held him firmly in place. Slowly he backed off, sucking lightly on the tip and then swallowed him once more. “Rodney, please, so close…need you in me…” John fumbled in the drawer of the nightstand and brought out a tube of lubricant, handing it to Rodney. Keeping his eyes firmly locked on John’s, Rodney removed his mouth from John’s erection. With one hand he resumed his stroking, but slowly, not wanting John to come too quickly. He unscrewed the tube with his teeth and squeezed a generous amount of lube onto John’s stomach. He swirled the fingers of his free hand through it set about preparing John to take him in. Without Rodney’s hands on his hips to restrain him, John had begun thrusting again, fucking himself on Rodney’s fingers. By the time Rodney had worked his way up to three fingers John was begging. It was the most beautiful thing Rodney had ever seen.  
  
John cried out at the loss of sensation as Rodney’s hands left his body. He didn’t have long to wait though until Rodney’s hands were on his hips and he could feel Rodney’s dick pressed against his entrance. Much too slowly he felt Rodney push into him, meeting his lover’s eyes and seeing all of his own feelings echoed back at him. When Rodney was completely inside John let out a small sigh at the joy of feeling so full. He pulled Rodney to him in a soft kiss and then they began to move together, John moving his hips in time with Rodney’s thrusts. He was achingly close but he was still glad Rodney was taking it slow. He wanted to remember their first time as more than just a flurry of activity. Once more Rodney began to stroke John’s dick, moving his hand in time with their thrusts. Rodney’s thrusts began to quicken and he started going deeper, harder. Suddenly he hit John’s prostate and John saw the universe explode behind his eyes. He came with a cry and Rodney followed after a few more sharp thrusts. Rodney collapsed on top of John and they lay in a tangle for a few moments catching their breath.  
  
Slowly Rodney pulled out and crawled up the bed to lie next to John. John pulled the other man to him and they kissed each other senseless for a few moments more. “Wow.” Rodney said in a sigh, laying his head on John’s chest, tracing his fingers through the hair on the other man’s chest.  
  
“Yeah,” John replied, “double wow.” He could feel himself beginning to drowse. It really had been a long day. “Hmm…so far we’re not doing a very good job of following Carson’s orders. I say we take a nap, then shower and food.” He paused for a moment, thinking. “Then more sex.”  
  
“Mmm…yeah, that sounds about right to me. Sleep, food, sex.” He reached up, caressing John’s face, and kissed him briefly. “By the way John, I love you too, you know. Sleep sweet.” John smiled hearing his own words from the night before echoed back to him in these conditions. Right now he was a happy man. As he fell asleep, a stray thought escaped,  _I wonder if I could sneak back to PQZ-137 and get some more of that tea without Elizabeth finding out?_  
  
END


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